Life's too short ... to burn down relationships behind you

I am a consultant by occupation and a life-long learner by nature and I have been struck recently by observing how some people deal with the issue of endings. Healthy relationships require that things change and adapt with the times and the needs of the people involved and yet I watch how the only way some can deal with change and evolution is by picking fault and then burning down the relationship as a means to call it over. It seems that this applies equally to personal and professional relationships and it's an all or nothing kind of approach that I certainly have fallen into in my time on earth.

But really, life is too short to burn those bridges. How many times will you want to call that person for some informal advice in the future only to find you have cut yourself off because you didn't have the courage or integrity to bring things to a healthy point of transition.

I once had a chat with a friend about divorce and we agreed that partners often do more damage on the way out of the door than the issue that caused the breakdown of the relationship in the first place - leaving the possibility of an ongoing but different relationship all but impossible.

It's the same in business and in employee/employer relationships. I watch how people cannot allow people to leave an organization with dignity. What can be thrown away are the years of good service and dedication because this seems to some to be impossible to reconcile with the fact that the needs of either party has now changed and there is no longer a good fit. And life is too short to stay when this is the situation but it is also way too short to burn down the relationship that existed and was part of building the new reality.

So I would say - take the time to save the relationship as well as opening the exit door.

Life's too short ... to short change someone

Attention to this principle calls for being fully in the present. Multi-tasking is the enemy.

I have long held that it is an asset and a skill to be a multi-tasker, little realizing how much I lost from life's rich experiences as I failed to honour people with my full attention.

Being an apprentice to this new realization and life-lesson, I should start by apologizing to a few critical people:

1. My children - cursed by a mother who is one of the world's great multi-taskers they were often short-changed with my time.

2. My dog - I could have given so much more to the walkies if I hadn't always had to make them about something else - as well as the one, single pleasure of just walking in the fresh air.

3. All the friends who needed me to just listen and not to be in solution-mode.

As the greatest gift I can give is the gift of my time, I feel like I short-changed a lot of people. More work-in-progress for me!

Life's too short ... to wash my own car

Compact economical and clean - here she is - looking good after being professionally detailed.

Perhaps because I live in a condo and the logistics of washing a car are complex and messy, or maybe it's the time it takes to spray, suds-up, rinse, and dry, but I really cannot justify doing the job myself when I can pay a little to someone else to do it on my behalf.

And frankly the whole exercise is just a manicure waiting to happen.

There is a bit of me that thinks I should be more frugal and save the twelve dollars but I generally manage to knock that little Jimminy Cricket off my shoulder as a drive to the car wash.

Pay a little I say - and work on your blog while someone else scrubs your hub caps and your car cruises through the process - Vive le semi-automation!

If you feel like getting your funk on while the car is being washed you could do wore than listening to a litlle Motown - Rose Royce singing Car Wash http://www.last.fm/music/Rose+Royce/_/Car+Wash

Life's too short ... to use mind altering substances

Now I know that this one is could alienate those readers who love to relax with a glass of wine. It may even annoy those who think that people who don't use mind-altering substances are (a) dull (b) party poopers (c) recovering addicts a.k.a. 'quitters'.

Thing is .... none of these are true about me and don;t just take my word for it, ask my friends. However, I have watched people in my circle become (a) dull (b) party poopers (c) addicts (quitters and the other kind) - and all because of alcohol and drugs.

Give me a person who enjoys life on its own terms. Who can take the sky whether it is blue or grey and still find fun, peace and enjoyment. Who can enjoy music, dancing and just talking while their mind is clear

If you are in recovery - my greatest wishes and admiration go with you. If you are looking for pain medication in a bottle or whatever - look elsewhere and find other help that doesn't damage you or those around you.

If you enjoy a glass of wine with dinner or a cocktail on the patio or a beer with a game I don't want to be down on you if that is where it ends but if the substances is consuming you or your family then try taking this quick self-adminsitered test about your alcohol use: http://alcoholism.about.com/od/tests/a/fiveshot.htm

Life's too short ... to always take the short cut

I know, I know, it sounds counter intuitive. Shirley, I mean surely, taking the short cut automatically piles up extra credit in the time available during the lifespan department. So you would think, but no - it's a trick! What has to be considered here is that what you gain time, you miss in experience - the stuff that enriches life. Robbing you of the richness of life is way worse than robbing of what is after all, only time.

I actually like to take the chance of not knowing exactly where I am going in a new city. I've heard of people taking a chance when you are on vacation of setting off on a walk and only taking right hand turns. No, not round and round a block! You have to mix it up a bit for this to work, but just seeing where it takes you. Live a little. Caution - if your gut tells you not to go down that street - trust your gut always. No need to be crazy in your search for adventure. Keep safe.

Do I like to take short cuts to buy me time to do really interesting things? Absolutely! Examples: those meals in one easy crock pot move, quick ways to get stains out of shirts, and skimming an article before you decide whether to do any serious reading. These can buy you time to do a little meandering, trying something new or stopping along the road to smell the roses or stop for a snack or drink at an attractive spot.

So don't go for the big rush every time and in every way - be a discerning short cut taker. Speed up the boring stuff and slow down the interesting or meaningful. Life's too short to miss the possibilities of taking your time - at least some of the time.

When you are considering this way of life, take in the skill practiced in Burma called Chinlone. It's a wonderful expression of spending time just being in the moment. Chinlone sport as meditation - no goal scoring, no rushing, no short cuts to find. Check out Mystic Ball:

www.mysticball-themovie.com

Life's too short ... to live in a home that doesn't feel like home

Been there? The end of a marriage, a tense relationship with a landlord, a dog that has taken over, bad memories - all can lead to that dead in the gut feeling that this place has stopped being 'home'. It has become just your address.


Home is about sanctuary and replenishment. If your current place isn't doing that, not only is life to short to stay there but the place is probably shortening your life - misery and stress being the prime suspects for poor life-span outcomes.

Of course, this could be an outcome that is not really about the physical space and the dog who needs to learn who is boss, than it is about whoever is sharing the space with you. This is a different problem and what will not help, is taking this person with you to a new address without changes being made and serious words having been spoken. This strategy of 'global re-positioning couples therapy' has a really, really poor success rate.

Subjects such as personal space, keeping power tools out of the living room when not in use, the place for dirty laundry, the appropriate use of fuscia and animal skin accessories, and the keeping (or not) of reptiles can lead to greater peace if negotiated by committed adults. These adults need to be attuned to helping all parties to feel at home and to not just relentlessly pursuing self interest. It can be a tall order but may save the move to separation and splitting of assets.

I give you full support to compromise on style but not on the principle that 'home' is about filling-up the spirit and heart of people who live there. Talk about that at your next family or room-mate AGM - or over dinner if that works best.

I leave you with this section of The Prophet by Kahil Gibran

" And tell me, people of OrphaIese, what have you in these houses? And what is it you guard with fastened doors? Have you peace, the quiet urge that reveals your power? Have you remembrances, the glimmering arches that span the summits of the mind? Have you beauty, that leads the heart from things fashioned of wood and stone to the holy mountain? Tell me, have you these in your houses? Or have you only comfort, and the lust for comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host and then a master?"

Life's too short ... to miss a chance to love

Having just got back from my son, Daniel's wedding to Chrystal, there was no other blog possible for me.

It was an idyllic wedding conducted by a great friend of the couple and our family (Doug). The vows were deeply meaningful, the setting beside Lake Okanagan was perfect. Look at the photo - how good do they look?

I don't know that I can say any more than just drink this in and meditate on the fact that life is way too short ... to miss a chance to love.

Check out the flickr photo journal http://www.flickr.com/photos/organize/?start_tab=sets